It is said that if our environment changes more than 10%, our nervous system begins to get overwhelmed.
That doesn’t lend itself too much breathing room when it comes to changing environments, challenging relationships, or even our own toxic behaviour.
I’m going to step out on a limb for a second and say, “all of your misery and challenge, essentially, is desired habit.”— but don’t kill me yet….
In a program I run called, “Becoming Unstuck”, I bring people through a process that identifies what the value to them is of NOT changing. As we go through the answering process of that one question, lo and behold, it is revealed within an hour or two, exactly what the mind has been up to, to keep things the same, and they can see clearly that a part of them has no interest in changing. In the unpacking of their stuckness, they also see the value to them of keeping things the same, how energy efficient it has become,
how they don’t need to take on new challenges, and ultimately to stay comfortably uncomfortable in the same habit. The familiar status quo is juicy even though, they may be completely miserable.
You can see why if this is the case, it lends itself to a large part of us wanting to keep life, things, surroundings, quite familiar; to control what seems to be in our grasp, and cling to consistency. Part of us wants nothing to do with change. Part of us wants to keep everything just as it is, predictable, because at least we know what we can expect, how much energy we need to spend, and in part, how to deal with it.
As Dr. David Hawkins so eloquently spoke on the subject, “the only thing you need to know if you want to get unstuck, is why your ego is getting off on it.”
Within the context of healing from challenging circumstances and hardships, part of the work is to deeply understand our own perception about the issue staying the same over time. It clearly is a habit of thinking and feeling and experiencing. Thinking, feeling, experiencing. Over and over, the same thing. On repeat.
So here is what I need you to understand. If you are continuing to be challenged by someone or something, an ongoing hardship that seems like it doesn’t go away, and you feel stuck that you can’t change it, I want you to know that part of you doesn’t want it to change…and that’s okay…it has become predictably familiar.
You’re saying I don’t really want to heal?
It’s not that you don’t want to heal, it’s that your identity wants things to stay the same, and if it needs to experience misery over and over, well, at least it knows what to do and how much energy it’s going to need to do it. And I have to say, after working with hundreds of clients, and of course, myself many times over, there is absolute truth to what Dr. Hawkins is saying. Our identity’s job is to preserve our life, to preserve its identity, and it will go to great lengths to keep things the same so it knows how to interact and stay alive. Your identity has figured out how to make life energy efficient for you…and it likes it that way…and doesn’t want it to change.
So what do I do now? How do I heal the challenge and hardship?
So to begin the healing process, the questions you need to answer, and I suggest answering it 30-50 times or more if needed, is “what value is the to me, of things staying the same and NOT changing.”
If you answer that question alone, you will absolutely reveal to yourself, what is holding you back from healing and breaking through to a more empowered state regarding the challenges and hardships you are having.
No, that is not going to be the end, that will be the beginning of the unravelling process. Before you get to the present inside the box, you need to unwrap the exterior to get at it.
And this is the very question you need to ask to unwrap your own life so you can see with much greater presence and clarity and accelerate once and for all, the healing.