How to stop comparing yourself to others is a simple idea, yet instantly forgotten in the age of social media. Whether you are looking at friends profiles, watching a video about a vacation someone is taking, or reading a blog on how it seems everyone has it together except you, we live in a world where we are bombarded with other people’s lives, and it’s near impossible not to be comparing yourself with them.
The challenge is that it is very likely to make you emotionally volatile. Our mind sees the world through similarities and voids. When someone is similar, we open up, become more optimistic, create hormones of connection, and feel more relaxed. When we see differences or voids, we tend to close down, become more pessimistic, create stress hormones, and become tighter inside.
The more voids we see, the more our mind wants them filled. When we constantly look at things we don’t have or situations we aren’t experiencing, such as a blissful beach vacation, our mind says, “I want that!” and we are pulled off centre. We need to stop comparing.
We need a different way to look at the landscape of comparing ourselves to others, so we don’t fall into the trap of an emotional rollercoaster. Here are 3 steps you can take to start to take control of your mind and emotions and ensure you are living a life that is truly yours.
1. Contrast don’t compare. When you look through the eyes of contrasting, you are evaluating what skill set, or tool does the other person have that might be valuable for my life. How is what they are doing, or how they are acting, add value to my life? If they are expressing acceptance and a relaxed attitude, don’t just wish that for yourself, gather that as information to go and study it, or learn more about it. If you look at others as feedback as opposed to wishing you were different, you hold a great opportunity to upgrade yourself and your life.
2. Know yourself. Knowing yourself is such a profound and sometimes abstract concept because it comes with so many layers to it. What it could mean generally, is to know what your life really represents, what you truly value, and what is ultimately important to you, right now. From that place, you can then be better at discerning what you want to take away from watching others or reading books or blogs, so you come from an authentic place of knowing yourself. You will be more grounded and centred in absorbing others information.
3. Know your destination. Everyone, and I mean everyone, is on a different path. The course for one person is obviously different than the other, so to assume that your experiences are supposed to be like your friend’s experience, is far from true. If a captain of a ship knows his destination, he doesn’t look around at other ships on the ocean and become interested in where they are going. He doesn’t follow them because their moving in a different direction. He stays his course. And the more you know yourself and your destination, the easier it becomes to stay on your own path.
So it’s really quite simple on how to stop comparing yourself to others; contrast and gather data, know yourself, and know your destination.
Best foot forward,
Dr. Steve
