Frustration can be summed up in 2 simple words; unmet expectations.
Frustration is one of the most common human emotions.
For most, it’s a daily experience.
So for this reason, it’s important to spend some time,
looking deeper into the heart of the causes of frustration,
and how we can better use the emotion of frustration to better our life and take more personal responsibility for our everyday emotional state.
Expectations lead to frustration
At the heart of frustration are the expectations we place within ourselves to be a certain way, and also the expectations we place on others.
Let me explain the 3 main expectation challenges that we encounter in day to day life.
Unrealistic expectations on yourself to be one-sided. For instance, if I have the expectation that i’ll only be energetic and never be lazy, any time I feel lethargic or lacking energy, I will get frustrated because I expect myself to only be energized. This sets up an unrealistic expectation in myself to perform outside of human function. It also reinforces the fact that i may not see any benefits in being lazy or low energy. I need to honour that I have that part, as well as see the benefit in order to obliterate frustration.
Expectations that you should be doing something you don’t value. You are hardwired to be inspired and take action naturally on things you value, and slow down physically and mentally with less inspired things you don’t love. Stop beating yourself up for things you aren’t doing. If you really valued them, you’d be doing them. You do everyday that which you value, and you avoid the things you don’t. It’s just human behaviour. Even if you think, “well, I have to take care of my kids and not go shopping.” I would ask, are there people out there that get babysitters to go shopping? Of course they do. You move in the direction and are extremely resourceful around areas you highly value.
Expectations that others will do or act in accordance with your values. Everyone is behaving according to their highest values, and when you don’t see that, when you expect others to behave like you would, you immediately set yourself up for frustration. You need to honour others and their inherent value systems. They have high priorities like you do, and they are out to fulfill those at whatever the cost. That’s what makes us all unique.
So in summary, don’t expect yourself to be a one-sided human being, don’t expect yourself to do things you don’t really value, and don’t expect others to live and behave inside your values. All of these build frustration and resentment. Acceptance and patience in yourself and others is your doorway through frustration.
Best foot forward,
Dr. Steve
