If you hated math, how long would it take you to tune someone out if they started talking about advanced calculus equations?
Instantly you would be repelled. Now you might hang in there to stay friendly or to ‘not hurt their feelings’ through disinterest, yet part of you would have left the conversation and probably started thinking of something else.
Why does this happen?
To understand how to deepen attraction, we must start in the opposite direction and inquire about repulsion.
For the sake of simplicity, repelling is a ‘pushing away from’, and attraction is ‘coming towards’. And your mind and body is repelled when you think that your partner is challenging you. It’s a primitive animal instinct.
You fundamentally look at them like a hunter gatherer would look at a predator animal. When they challenge you, you look at them as a threat to your energy, time, identity, and expectations of how you want your life to look. And in an attempt to keep certainty, order and control, you repel and lash out to create distance between you and the predator. Again, this is totally natural in the animal world, and remember, part of you has primitive animal parts.
Using the first example in the opening paragraph, when someone starts talking advanced calculus, you will perceive them unconsciously as a challenge to most likely your time, focus and energy. In an effort to keep your time, focus and energy, you repel away from them, either physically, “I have gotta get going”, or mentally you start to escape to think about something else. Both are repelling processes.
In attraction, at least in the animal world, you are drawn toward that which supports your energy, time, identity and expectations to live fully. So when someone starts engaging a conversation about knitting, and you are the one of the leading experts on knitting, they will definately hold and keep your attention…for long periods of time, because you are attracted to that topic and it serves to support you in your life and what’s most important.
So the main reason you are repelled, is because your partner in some way is being a threat in a moment or many moments (which could look like a pattern), to your time, energy, identity relative to what’s important to you.
Q#1 – What is attractive about them?
It seems like a relatively obvious question, but the sure way to entice more attraction is to actually see them as more attractive, and being able to articulate why they are attractive to you. By being able to answer this question with clarity, you will naturally expand your innate capacity to draw toward them.
Q#2 – What is attractive about me?
You can often slip into self judgement about things you DON’T like about yourself, including the fact that you aren’t attracted to them. This cycle of perception just adds to the repulsion, because you are unattractive to yourself. By rehearsing your value and what’s truly attractive about you, encourages the uplift from a judgement that has become biased where you may be falsely exaggerating your unattractive parts and suppressing your attractive parts.
Q#3 – Why makes us an attractive couple?
Being able to articulate and see how as a couple you are powerful, poised, and unique in the world, can position you together in your mind as an unstoppable force of combined beauty and utility, where you can see that who you are as a couple, combined with what you uniquely do together, make you a once-in-a-lifetime fingerprint couple on the planet.
Attraction is a moving toward togetherness, and by providing yourself with evidence of what your relationship is really all about, can give you the energetic momentum and inspiration to draw toward each other in new and novel ways.
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